Personal Statement范文模板分析

一个Personal Statement最重要也是最有用的关键词是Personal。一篇好的PS一定是“tell YOUR story”的。为什么？因为如果你没有把你Personal的一面告诉你要申请的学校，学校为什么会录取你而不是跟你差不多的千千万万人呢？

不过即使把这个原则讲得口沫横飞，我们很多同学依然会“丈二和尚摸不着头脑”。所以今天，博远教育来点实实在在的Personal Statement范文模板分析，告诉你什么样的PS一点都不Personal，而怎样才能写出属于自己的Personal的PS。

先上干货，这是一篇非常具有代表性的、非常不Personal的、不好的PS范文。

I have always known I wanted to go to law school. Ever since I was little, I would picture myself sitting in a courtroom and fighting for justice. This is a dream that I continue to pursue and that I hope to make become a reality at your law school. I have worked hard to get where I am and have several qualities that I think will make me an excellent candidate for your law school.

First, I am a very hard worker. When I came to college, I found that the classes were much more difficult then the classes I took in high school, even though I took a lot of AP classes in high school. However, I rose to the challenge early on and have been able to get great grades ever since. This meant that sometimes I had to sacrifice weekend nights or stay up late, but I have always done whatever it takes to get grades that I can be proud of.

Second, I am able to balance my time and still excel in my life. Throughout undergraduate school I have worked part-time, which has made it difficult to make my classes a priority. However, I have always been able to balance classes and work and do well in both.

Third, I believe in justice and I believe that law is the channel through which people can obtain justice. Everyday there are people who are wronged by others, by the system, even by government and their wrongs must be addressed. In America, we have decided that courts of law are the places where people will be heard, where their rights will be decided. I want to be one of those people who helps those who are not able to have their rights heard.

Fourth, I feel strongly about service. Though I have worked and gone to school since graduating from high school, I have made time to be a part of many different school clubs that have provided service to such places as the Women in Crisis Center, the Food and Care Coalition, and the Child's Hope Foundation. Whether serving hot meals to the homeless or tying quilts for children in foreign countries, I have enjoyed the service I have engaged in, and know that it is something I want to make a part of my life. Law is a way to serve those around us. Indeed, law allows one to make one's career not just a career, but a career of service.

Lastly, I know that I am qualified and ready to succeed at your law school. However, I don't plan stopping there. Someday I hope to serve in elected office whether as a state officer or a state judge so that I can continue to make a difference in my community. If you admit me, I will make the law school proud of my accomplishments and work as hard as it takes to become the best attorney I can be. Thank you for your time. I hope you will seriously consider my application.

有多少人看完了这篇PS后觉得自己跟这个写得差不多的？举个手如何。还有多少人PS是中介写的，也差不多是这个样子的？我自己帮别人看过中介写给他的PS，说句实话，还不如上面这篇。但这也就说明，我们确实都在实实在在地犯这样的错误。但我们博远教育不同于留学中介，我们是学术机构，有着足够雄厚的学术实力为每一位申请者原创量身定制PS文书，确保了每一份PS文书的质量。下面来看这篇文章毛病有哪些？

1. 总体而言，正如我开篇所说，这是一篇毫无个性的文章。这个人可以是生活在中国的你，也可以是学习在美国的他；可以是内向爱读书的你，也可以是外向爱运动的他；可以是来自城市玩着游戏长大的你，也可以是生于农村勤奋学习的他。总而言之，从这篇文章中唯一能看到的，就是一个照本宣科按着模版写PS的申请者，除此之外招生官一无所知。你想要通过这样的PS脱颖而出吗？

2. 很多招生官看到第一段，甚至是第一句话就要吐了，他会继续本着负责任的态度“读完”这篇PS，但仅仅因为那是他的工作。你知道大概会花多少时间吗？不超过30秒。为什么？不要告诉招生官“我从小就立志要当某某某”，“从小就对某某某感兴趣”。这种话已经听到耳根发麻了。每个申请护理的当然都立志当护士，当然对护理感兴趣，不然他申请干嘛？他们想听的不是你从小怎么怎么地，他们要听的是“为什么”！

3. 再说正文，从First读到Lastly，你觉得哪个“好”学生不是这样的？hard-working谁不是？做part-time的就你一个？读法的哪个不相信justice？谁不想服务社会？最后，你梦想可以很大，当美国总统都行，可你要让我看得出来啊！所以看似这篇文章“结构清楚”（从一到五）、“逻辑清晰”（我喜欢法律相信正义），实际上“照本宣科”（一到五都是模版）、“空话连篇”（没一句是发自内心的）。既然是这样，我为什么要录取你？

现在，你明白为什么这是一篇典型的差PS了吧。那么怎么才能写出一篇好的具有你鲜明个性的PS呢？还是先看例子：

Unlike many mathematicians, I live in an irrational world; I feel that my life is defined by a certain amount of irrationalities that bloom too frequently, such as my brief foray in front of 400 people without my pants.

Sitting cross-legged on the floor of a Bhilainagar slum dwelling in Bangalore, I ran my fingers across a fresh cut on my forehead.

When I was 8 years old, I shocked my family and a local archaeologist by discovering artifacts dating back almost 3,500 years.

Flying over enemy territory, I took in Beirut's beautiful skyline and wondered if under different circumstances I would have hopped on a bus and come here for my vacation. Instead, I saw the city from the window of a helicopter, in military uniform, my face camouflaged, on my way to a special operation deep behind enemy lines.

My younger sister, Jessica, arrived home one day reeling about the shirt that her friend had worn to school. It had simply read, “Genocide, Homicide, Suicide, Riverside.”

I'll never forget the day when my childhood nightmares about fighting gigantic trolls in the Lord of the Rings series became a reality. Sword in hand and clad in medieval samurai armor, I dragged myself into the battleground as I faced my opponent, a warmongering giant.

以上这样的PS开头还可以举出很多，但举出再多这也是别人的Personal story，其实与你关系不大的。我列出来更希望你学习的，是其中的原则和方法。千万不要抄袭！我们来看看它们都有哪些共同点吧：

1.     非常个人化。不是每个人都会在400人面前光屁股的，更不是每个人有机会作为一名军人去巴格达打仗。而正是这样个人化的故事才能真正告诉招生官你是一个什么样的人，而这个人才是区别于所有芸芸众生的你。

2.     非常故事化。做科学研究要的是冷冰冰的数据，而要打动人一定是要温暖的故事的。在我的第一篇文章里我就说过，PS不是说明文，不是议论文，不要用上文那篇PS的方式希望列出一二三四五点道理让招生官信服。对不起，这里不是辩论场。只有通过温暖得带着你的温度的你真实的故事，才会让招生官产生共鸣，才会让一个人对另一个人产生好感。所以我在评论一个微博上的朋友时曾经说过，要把PS当小说来写，当诗歌来写，当文学创作而不是刻板地填表。

3.     非常吸引人。对比上面那篇“我从小就立志做某某某”，以上的例子是不是显得吸引人得多？但实际上，你仔细想想，他们又何尝不是在用另一个方法告诉招生官“我从小就喜欢或立志做某某某”呢？而这样吸引人的文章，可能会让招生官花十分钟甚至更长的时间“欣赏”。这种情况下，你觉得谁录取的可能更大呢？

好了，分析了这么多，你可能已经迫不及待地要问了，道理我都懂了，那我到底应该如何写好PS呢？因为篇幅所限，我在这里给你们几个大的原则，后面我会找机会详细说。另外正如我们一直强调的原则Personal，有很多方法也会是很个人化的，所以往往需要根据每个人的不同特点来制定不同的训练计划，这样才会有更大的提高。

1. 做你自己。有很多人会有这样的误区，那就是哈佛大学要的学生是这样那样的，比如个性张扬、聪明伶俐、具有领导力、能说会道（举例而已），于是乎就希望把自己也“包装”成那个样子。但事实完全不是这样。哈佛里有内向的有外向的，有能说会道的也有喜欢沉默的，有领导者也有书呆子（褒义）。你会进入哈佛是因为你就是你自己，不是任何一个其他人。不要在自己的PS里为了显得外向而外向，或强调一个自己并不擅长的事情。你会乐器就告诉他们你会，你不会乐器就告诉他们其他的。更不要欺骗！Never！你自己都不相信你爱“护理”或者“会计”，你希望别人相信你真的爱？

2. 好好回顾自己的生涯。我说“好好”回顾，我是认真的。不论你现在是18还是22，或者30+，不论你的生涯是何种样子的，用你最大的力气去回顾它，去审视它，去挖掘它，去珍视它。举个例子，我会用好几天的时间去用跟学生聊天、让他们自己写回忆录以及翻看以前所有的资料的方式去了解一个学生。你想一想，在写一篇PS之前，你花了多少时间去回顾你的人生？

3. 找到那些真正有趣的，真正难忘的瞬间，不论是感动、是悲伤、是醒悟、是沉迷。记住一点，只有你自己觉得有趣的东西才会让别人觉得有趣，只有你自己难忘的瞬间才能吸引别人的注意，只有那些瞬间中留存着你最真实的感动、悲伤、醒悟、沉迷才能让别人也从中感受到你的感情。 只有别人动了感情，别人才会“喜欢”你，因为“喜欢”是最真实的感情，最纯粹的感情。

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